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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Pseudonym's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, May 14th, 2005
6:50 pm
I Had a Baby!
Yes, I am very slow to report this. Two months past my initial due date, I am finally writing to inform everyone of what you probably already know - I had a baby girl on Thursday, March 24th, 2005 at 7:22 p.m., induced ten days past my due date! She weighed 8 pounds even and measured 50 cm (19.5 inches). We named her Ava Dawn McKechnie Lapenskie (Dawn for my dad, Don, not for Buffy's little sister!). All of you were on the email list of our initial birth announcment, but it came from a non-Yahoo account so it may have been relegated to your trash or bulk folders. If you want to see what my adorable little baby girl looks like from birth through the first month of her life, go here:

http://ca.geocities.com/outside_chmr/

(For those of you who've already been, Jason updated the site recently!)

Life is pretty chaotic now. They say to sleep when the baby sleeps, but I haven't had time to do that the past few weeks. She's sleeping now, though, hence my writing here! I've still got to write up her birth story and perhaps I will post it here (but if I do I hope it doesn't freak out any potential mamas. I had a pretty crappy experience, but it's not like that for everyone. My cousin who gave birth 3 weeks after me had a much more positive experience. Of course labour hurts - they don't call it labour for nothing!)

I miss you guys and I miss RPing. I miss the Buffyverse! But I barely have time to send out an email these days.

(((((Hugs to all of you)))))

Current Mood: accomplished
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
4:57 pm
Baby Watch
No, not to confused with "Baywatch". I am now just over 37 weeks pregnant. The baby is officially full term. Really, I could go into labour any time now. The baby has dropped and walking is a pain! My feet and hands are so swollen they hurt. And we're just ready to meet this little person! We've done all the necessary baby laundry, bought all the things we'll need initially, had the car seat installed an inspected and the baby's hospital bag is packed. We just need to put the sheets on the crib and pack my hopsital bag and we're set!

Of course, once the baby gets here our lives will change immeasurably, in ways I'm sure neither one of us can imagine. That's why I want my election posters done soon, so that it's one less thing to worry about post-baby. Of course, then there's my thesis...I'll try and do as much research as I can, but it's tough with a TV junkie like my husband around. He always has to have some kind of noise on, and I'm the type of person that needs silence to study. I'm just way too bulky now to traipse over to the department office, plus Jason gets nervous leaving me alone, in case I go into labour. We don't have cellphones and he has no phone number at the radio station, so how would I reach him? Ah well, I'd have hours to labour, I suppose.

It's going to be a natural childbirth for me because I'm allergic to the pain medication they use, some of which they put into epidurals as well. I just have to remember to tell them this when we arrive at the hospital because if they put that into my system...Not pretty!

Yay, my neighbour (a.k.a. the building owner's daughter, thus she can get away with raising hell any time she pleases) finally turned down her obnoxiously loud music!

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
10:56 pm
Briefness
I'm just updating because I realize I haven't. In a looong time. But I've actually got to get to bed now, since Jason went almost an hour ago and I said I'd be right up. Plus, when I try to stay up past 10:30 I pay the price the next day - and I actually have my first read-through of a new play. I'm cast as...the mom. LOL! My how times have changed...This is due, of course, to the fact I will be six months pregnant by the time it opens.

We went to dinner tonight and the couple at the next table asked when I was due. It's the firs time people have noticed I'm pregnant! :) Oddly enough, it made me blush all kinds of red! *g*

We went to Babies-R-Us the other night - holy overpriced!

Oh my God, I think all my entries are going to be boring baby/pregnancy stuff...I'm feeling really good though because Jason's parents have confirmed they will buy us a crib and Jason's sister, who just had a boy last April, has a snowsuit she will send us. If we have a boy she'll give us all her baby clothes and if it's a girl, she'll weed through and send us the gender-appropriate stuff. If I have a girl, I am SO dressing her like a little princess (before she's old enough to protest and demand pants - I went through a pants phase at around 3 that made my mom fear she'd lost her little girl forever! LOL!). There is just such damn cute stuff for baby girls and toddlers!

And great, my neighbour has now decided to blast his music. This'll be great once the baby is born. What a lie when we were told this was a QUIET building! But then, no one in this town is quiet - they're all too drunk!

Current Mood: sleepy
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
10:20 pm
PS
When I was posting this, I got a message saying that my password was too easy to guess, making my account hijack-able. It suggested I change it. I did. Has anyone else had anything like this happen?
10:13 pm
Havin' a Heatwave...
It is steaming here! Not that Newfieville is renowned for it's heat, but today - tonight - is kicking my ass! It's because the breeze is blowing the wrong way. But, I am still loving our new apartment and we are all unpacked in preparation for the inlaws, who will arrive in, oh, an hour and a half!!!

It's just me and them tomorrow because J has to work. I'm lucky, because I've got really good in-laws, we're just from very different worlds. However, we get along. It'll just be...better with their son home from work! *g* And hopefully the heat will give way, or the breeze will change directions. Otherwise, this girl is melting!

And I haven't been so great at updating lately, have I?

I went to Wales last month. It was beautiful, but the freaking airlines lost my luggage for the entire week I was there! I got it back just in time to leave! And Mikel scheduled the sessions from 9 am to 6 pm, leaving us little time for sightseeing, and he cancelled both the tours he'd originally planned! :( Too long a trip, and too far away. No longer my top choice, or even ANY choice, for my PhD.

13 minutes to the latest installment of Big Brother. It's just not as good this summer. They're not airing the best stuff, you need to subscribe to the live feed to know what's REALLY happening. Not my fave reality trash show anymore. Ah well, you know I'll be watching it 'til the bitter end!

More after August 11th...

Current Mood: hot
Sunday, July 11th, 2004
9:27 pm
Plugs and Worries
Well it continues to be a plain stunning summer here! Freezing cold, lots of rain, still wearing sweaters and socks in mid-July!

The best part is how everyone back home keeps complaining about how HOT it is there! *pout*

I loathe the cold so much, I seriously don't know how I wound up being born a Canadian.

Maybe I'm just extra-gripe-y because my back hurts. Too much sitting! From one stationary job to another, and then home to sit some more as I work on my thesis. Woo and a hoo!

Speaking of, if anyone reading this is a fan of slasher films and or urban legends, and would be willing to be interviewed via email (or knows someone who would be) let me know! :)

Shameless self-promotion is almost over, I promise...

My husband has his own radio show and I've started doing entertainment updates once an hour during it (it's a two hour show). He plays alt-type music, stuff that doesn't get airplay on mainstream stations. It's called Outside the Box and is on Sundays from 5-7 pm, which would be 3:30-5:30 EST. It can be heard online and the station is called 95.3 CHML out of Memorial University in St. John's, Newfoundland.

Lourz actually tuned in a few weeks ago online!

I just discovered that although Paul has been on my Friends list all these years, lo and behold I am not on his! Oh, the injustice *gasp*!

I begged and pleaded with him to be added, but it looks like, and I could be wrong, that he hasn't updated since December. But what the hell do I know? Prior to recently, I hadn't updated in YEARS.

We still haven't had a lease to sign on the new place, which is making me anxious, ESPECIALLY since I leave for Wales a week from Monday...I'd REALLY like a place to come home to. *gulp*

But I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing....right?

Current Mood: blah
Thursday, July 1st, 2004
11:13 pm
Bells & Whistles!
Most disorganized chaos EVER, seeing those fireworks! First off, the organizers decide to launch them BEHIND a shed instead of in the middle of the lake. Then, they stop about 4 times, leaving us all to believe it's over and beginning to walk away. Four times! So by the time they were REALLY over, it was anticlimactic.

And then the traffic jam in the parking lot...*rolls eyes* Good thing everyone else had their cars turned on.

Anyway, the apartment...Wales...where to begin? The paper that's getting published (it's on campus legends) I am also presenting a longer version of it at a conference, specifically pertaining to legends, being held in Wales. I'll be gone from July 19-26, so consider this a heads-up for those I RP with!

The conference is being held at a university I'm hoping to attend for my PhD so it'll be a bit of a scouting mission, too!

As for the apartment, we live in such a HOLE right now, and we're being WAY over-charged. Plus, neighbours from hell live above us. We gave our notice, the place is rented, and we were going to move to a crap-assed building that would at least give us two bedrooms for the same rent we're paying here for a decaying one bedroom in a row house.

But we had one last building to see, on a whim. And wow...we fell in love! From the lobby to the stairs to...everything, it's goregous! Then we saw the actual apartment...The kitchen is HUGE and modern - with an island to eat at and a DISHWASHER!!!!! And large living room, a balcony, a closet, a washroom, a staircase....Yes, it's TWO STORIES!!!! Up the stairs is the main HUGE bathroom with bathtub, a massive storage room and two bedrooms!

We love it, we want it, we're keeping our fingers crossed...

It will make living in this godforesaken province actually quite bearable! So here's to hoping...

And ugh, I SO don't want to go back to work tomorrow! :(

Wow, look what happens when I don't update in forever! Verbal diarrhea hits!

Thanks for the answer on Michelle B., Bean! :)

Night all...(assuming anyone else is even reading this)

Current Mood: hopeful
8:45 pm
It's Been Awhile!
I'm sticking to the non-bells and whistles kind of update. None of that 'mood' and 'music' options.

My cat Fudge is sleeping in the most adorable position!

Anyway, we're going to go watch fireworks for Canada Day, supposedly. Which'll be soonish, so this'll be brief.

I'm probably going to wind up talking a lot about school stuff in here. I'm partway through my fieldwork already - three interviews under my belt, another next week, and two more tentative ones next month.

And in two weeks I got to Wales.

Hopefully next we'll know about this new palatial apartment we applied for (it's no mansion, but we ARE living on an island, Bean! *g*).

Oh, so if anyone reading this is a fan of horror films (epecially slashers) and/or urban legends, let's talk!

Oh! And I'm getting an article published in a journal! Whee!

More excitement than you can shake a stick at! ;)

Happy Canada Day!!!!
Monday, June 10th, 2002
2:38 pm
I'm not happy anymore. I'm so fucking trapped.

I hate when people say they'll do something, and then they don't.

There's only so much we can do together, there's some stuff you've just got to do for yourself, and until you get your own head on, get at least a semblance of your shit together, you can't be any good to anyone else.
I came back under a total illusion. I mean, I thought things would be a certain way and they are not.

So do I stay the duration of the lease (less the last two months cuz we'll have to give notice then) or do I try to leave again? With no job, no money, nowhere to go and two cats.

Oh, good plan.

Great.

How'd I get so unhappy with this so fast?

Hell, there were definite red flags from the first weekend we spent together. I should have walked away then.

But I didn't.

I'm not even in love anymore. Just trapped.

It's cuz I just don't have the guts.

And I really should stay off of AIM in the daytime cuz that's when we have the most fights.

I'm just so tired of it all. So fucking tired.

Oh how I miss the single life! No more taking on another insceure child-man's bullshit baggage! What the fuck is up with that? I don't need a parter to validate or complete my sense of self. I was a strong, independant woman who looked after herself before he came along and I can damn well do it again!

He's fucking draining me and taking any trace of friendship we had and making me resent and dislike him. A lot. I don't CARE if we're friends after we break up. And yeah, we'll break up. He's not the man I imagine myself growing old with nor the person I want as the father of my children.

So do I wait out the lease our cut my losses at our next appointment next month....

I don't know how much longer I can hang in, but look how successful I've been at leaving him so far...

*sigh*

Current Mood: Unhappy
Sunday, May 19th, 2002
4:13 pm
Ignore me.....
Oh my God! I am the QUEEN of CRACK because I think it worked! ;-D

hehehe.....

Thanks Bean!!!! Love ya!

Current Mood: Triumphant!
4:09 pm
Help!
Okay, that didn't work...I can see it on the top right hand corner of my screen, but not as an icon next to my entries like I can see everyone else's.
*sigh*

I should just stick to....uh...shit, I don't know.

You guys can't see it, right? Any ideas on how it can be made to be seen? If ya know what I mean....

(And I can just hear you all laughing your asses off at my technological stupidity!)

Current Mood: confused
4:05 pm
ICONness.....
This is just a test. Don't get excited...

I am SO technologically inept! So, here's hoping this works (it's a little something the Bean made for me AGES ago!!!)

Current Mood: curious
Thursday, May 2nd, 2002
4:13 pm
WARNING!
Just wanna give y'all a heads up regarding someone on AIM goes by the name of SoftlySpoken66. I have blocked this person after they repeatedly harrassed me with lewd conversation, all while pretending they "knew" me. Then, when my boyfriend was online, this asshole IMed, thinking it was me, and Jason said, as most of you have experienced, that no, it was my boyfriend. So this shithead said "Oh, well tell her to send me more pictures. I hope that's okay, I hope that doesn't get her in trouble." What a fucker! So everyone, be on the alert for this shit disturber. I have now blocked them.

Thanks!

Current Mood: pissed off
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2002
9:48 pm
L'il Rhi-minder....get it? Hahaha!
Excuse the TERRIBLE humour, but...well, maybe we can all just chalk it up to too much snow on the brain? And why would that be? Because, for those of you not in the know or those of you who may have forgotten you know, I am in Vermont. That means I'm not at home, not on AIM. That means the person logging on as NoNicChic is not me!!!!

Please keep that in mind...Thanks muchly! I will be home on Saturday, January 26th. So converse with me then! If I'm online that is...*g*

I'm going to do a study on the goddess as she is represented in various mythologies around the world and through time. I'm also thinking of looking at the Virgin Mary and tracing her connection to ancient goddesses as well as having a look at the Black Madonnas (no, not as in African American but as in...well, they're not sure, but perhaps as a balance to the hyper-purity of the Virgin Mary). And of course the whole controversy surrounding whether we evolved from a matriarchial goddess-worshipping society or not...but I don't want that to take up my entire study.

Anyway, I'm excited about all of this!!!!!

Type y'all later and hugs to everyone (and if you have pets, hug them too for me - as if you needed to be told to hug them! *g* Can you tell I miss my cats??? *sigh*)

Current Mood: excited
9:48 pm
L'il Rhi-minder....get it? Hahaha!
Excuse the TERRIBLE humour, but...well, maybe we can all just chalk it up to too much snow on the brain? And why would that be? Because, for those of you not in the know or those of you who may have forgotten you know, I am in Vermont. That means I'm not at home, not on AIM. That means the person logging on as NoNicChic is not me!!!!

Please keep that in mind...Thanks muchly! I will be home on Saturday, January 26th. So converse with me then! If I'm online that is...*g*

I'm going to do a study on the goddess as she is represented in various mythologies around the world and through time. I'm also thinking of looking at the Virgin Mary and tracing her connection to ancient goddesses as well as having a look at the Black Madonnas (no, not as in African American but as in...well, they're not sure, but perhaps as a balance to the hyper-purity of the Virgin Mary). And of course the whole controversy surrounding whether we evolved from a matriarchial goddess-worshipping society or not...but I don't want that to take up my entire study.

Anyway, I'm excited about all of this!!!!!

Type y'all later and hugs to everyone (and if you have pets, hug them too for me - as if you needed to be told to hug them! *g* Can you tell I miss my cats??? *sigh*)

Current Mood: excited
9:48 pm
L'il Rhi-minder....get it? Hahaha!
Excuse the TERRIBLE humour, but...well, maybe we can all just chalk it up to too much snow on the brain? And why would that be? Because, for those of you not in the know or those of you who may have forgotten you know, I am in Vermont. That means I'm not at home, not on AIM. That means the person logging on as NoNicChic is not me!!!!

Please keep that in mind...Thanks muchly! I will be home on Saturday, January 26th. So converse with me then! If I'm online that is...*g*

I'm going to do a study on the goddess as she is represented in various mythologies around the world and through time. I'm also thinking of looking at the Virgin Mary and tracing her connection to ancient goddesses as well as having a look at the Black Madonnas (no, not as in African American but as in...well, they're not sure, but perhaps as a balance to the hyper-purity of the Virgin Mary). And of course the whole controversy surrounding whether we evolved from a matriarchial goddess-worshipping society or not...but I don't want that to take up my entire study.

Anyway, I'm excited about all of this!!!!!

Type y'all later and hugs to everyone (and if you have pets, hug them too for me - as if you needed to be told to hug them! *g* Can you tell I miss my cats??? *sigh*)

Current Mood: excited
Saturday, January 19th, 2002
10:01 pm
Babble babble
Okay, I know I must be persona non grata in the RP world by now...I really can not apologize enough for being of the gone lately. Yeah, I been blissed out on that love thang...but it ain't like we haven't been hit with a SHITload of problems. Luckily none of them are in regards to how we feel about each other. That has never come into question. I'm lucky, very lucky. Most guys aren't so...well, wonderful! He treats me well, that he does. He always has. I really have no complaints.

I'm just extremely tired.

And his fucking fundamentalist family is freaking over our living sitch. But whatever. Fuck 'em. It's not about them, it's about us. And my fam (minister included) is cool with it. I don't literally mean fuck 'em. I mean no disrespect. Like I said, I'm just tired. Extremely tired.

I'm doing that school thing. Just finished day one. Have no energy to post. Sorry folks. I'll try something somewhere...

I see alot of you have made your own icons, you brilliant folks! I still haven't even put the one the lovely and talented Jewel made for me (and thank you, hon, I LOVE it!!! You know that!) My comp has been disconnected and the vast majority of my stuff is still in storage at my old place. For a small monthly fee I can keep it there 'til we move. And I really wanna fucking move. With or without him. I can NOT stay where I am. I've known that since the summer. *sigh* Frankly, where I'd REALLY like to go I can't, seeing as I'm not born in the USA. Oh New York...

But if I MUST remain stuck in the Great White North, I know where I want to go. But I really don't believe this is the country - hell, the continent - I'll spend my life in. I hope not. I want to get out there and see the world! As many far flung remote corners as possible. And if he won't come with me, he won't, although he's never given any indication he wouldn't. He's the one who said we should still move. Quit our shitty-assed jobs and go. Only...today he mentioned being afraid of being jobless. He asked me if we'd be okay. I said we would...

Thing is, I've been alone for awhile now and got really used to a "ME" mentality. Switching in to "us" mode has been...well it's been, but I was getting sorta used to it. Only now being away again, I'm all about me. Being here again is weird. I almost don't want to be here. I want to be home with him. And it reminds me of how devestated I was initially when I came here in the summer, having just left asshole.

I am really, truly lucky. I have a guy who does things for me, looks after me in a good way, is attentive, open and affectionate. We can say anything. The lines of communication are open. It's the rest of the fucking world that's the problem!!! *g*

Mustn't go looking for trouble...Just want this week to be over! Isn't that terrible? This was such an amazing, life-changing experience last time. I need to appreciate it and open myself up to it. Fucking sucks though that my company used this as one of the main reasons why I didn't get promoted (although I pointed out the fact that 5 lost days won't equal the MONTHS it will take to train the newbie on what I've known for two and a half years!!! And my ass of a boss agreed!!! That makes it almost WORSE!) But fuck the stupid job, I got the guy!!! Although he was willing to move to be with me if I got it. Now we'll just be taking a blind leap.

But I want to. It's a leap of faith (oh who didn't see that coming? *g*) Although some of us may literally want to leap...jump...Faith... ;)

Tired, very tired. Must sleep....must attempt what will surely be shitty posts...Sorry! Stop apologizing, start sleeping - type first, sleep later...

Current Mood: exhausted
Thursday, January 3rd, 2002
6:05 pm
Woo Fuckin' Hoo!
I'm not around much anymore, and I ain't gonna be!!!!! I'm completely over-the-moon delirious! I'd forgotten, or never really knew, straight men could be so wonderful! I can NOT believe he is for real! And he was right there, all along, my best bud supporting me through so much shit, giving me a shoulder or two to cry on over some worthless asshole who so DIDN'T deserve it!

And right now he's cooking me dinner (again!) *dreamy delighted sigh*

This is so fucking wonderful!!!!!

I just wanted to let everyone know I am ALIVE, and how!!!! Now I gotta go make myself even MORE beautiful! *g*

How can I BE this deliriously happy????? He told me he loved me! LOVED! ME!!!!!! Wow.....!

So yeah, going now....sailing off on a cloud of total giddiness! :D

Current Mood: loved
Friday, December 28th, 2001
1:09 am
Suck-ah!!!
Oh yes, for those of you who noticed, I deleted an entry from a short while ago. It was about a guy and I just need to ask myself WHEN THE FUCK WILL I EVER LEARN?????

All men ARE created equal - in their stupidity and repugnancy! (And I apologize to all my male friends reading this, you, my darlings, are the exceptions. But then, I thought he was too...)

Isn't it funny how one day you can be standing on the brink of so many wondrous possibilities and the next it all falls to shit? It's gone, all of it, gone. I may not even have a job soon and I can kiss any hope of a transfer good-bye.

But you know what I can't kiss good-bye? My loneliness. That's right folks, I realize, have realized for awhile, that my lifetime was probably going to be spent by my lonesome. Now I know I can pretty much count on it.

Now we can add spending it broke and penniless and living in a cardboard box at the side of the road. Okay, let's not exaggerate. There will probably be no cardboard box.

I realize this all sounds horrifically melodramatic. Funny part is I'm not even sad. Just terribly disillusioned. Someone I thought so much of for so long has proven to be worth so little. And the feeling appears to be mutual. Oh sweet happy day! (Yup, sarcasm with a capital S, folks!)

Going to bed, going to forget it all - oh no, wait, I can't! Have to face at least part of it all tomorrow at the office as I try to clear up a problem I simply can't. So what now? I don't know what to do. I'm at a substantial loss. I thought I was on this great path. Weird part is how little I'm actually feeling right now. I guess maybe I'm just resigned to it all. Let the chips fall where they may.

Happy New Year, everyone. Let's hope for the best for 2002, shall we? And to think, it can ALWAYS get worse!!!

Current Mood: Disillusioned
Thursday, December 27th, 2001
1:15 pm
Bah Humbug!
Christmas is over. I'm back in my cubicle of mirth. Woo hoo. Woo hoo. Woo hoo. Well I'm actually at home on my lunch break right now. My l'il girl cat is watching me...She's such a sweetie and I missed her and her sister ever so much!

It's amazing how I can be back in the office for 5 freakin' minutes and be STRESSED!!!! There's an order for a VP of a company that *I* fucked up. Oh, great time to push for a promotion. Great time. I can't even explain HOW I fucked it up without sounding like a BIGGER moron! *sigh*

There's GOT to be more to life than this shit. I know I should be grateful to have a job, and I sure as hell am not ready to lose it just yet. But God oh God I HATE IT!!!!!!!

I guess I really just hate it when I fuck up. This job is just so fuck-upable! And the day is craaaaawling....

I have to ask them for New Year's Eve day off and I don't know how that will fly in light of this pin disaster. And I'll bet that's the day I'm to have that meeting with the VP anyway. If I have it on January 2nd when I get back, I won't exactly be in great shape for it...I wonder if I can move my flight out? Hmmm....better check in to that.

I just feel WAY too full of anxiety. And my housemate's mom is here but they're out so I haven't met her yet.

Aww, I missed Jack and Phyllis's wedding! :(

I have the two cutest, prettiest cats in the world!

And I remain waaaaay stressed!

Hope everyone had an amazing Christmas - and Happy New Year to you all!!!!!

Current Mood: anxious
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